Friday, June 7, 2013

The Search for a One Legger's Toilet

In my continuing effort to prepare our home for my June 17th heel surgery, today I wanted to accomplish the task of dealing with ELLIMINATION.  It's weird how thoughts of impending surgery shrink your world down to the absolute necessities - eat, sleep, move, and poop.

Today, then, my goal was to pimp up our first floor toilet.

Why do I feel the need to do this?

Simply because I did a trial run, and attempted to use the toilet on one leg.  I failed miserably, putting my "bad" foot down on the floor, oh, about 16 times, until the act was finally completed and I was outta there.  The problem is that there is nothing within reach to grab onto to help the process.

This is not easy.  Just for kicks and giggles, you try it the next time you use your toilet:

Go in and pull your britches down.  On one leg.
Lower yourself onto the seat.  Keep your "bad" leg up in the air.
Do your business, read your magazine, then wipe.  Don't you dare put that foot down.
Stand back up.  Use one leg only.
Turn around and flush.  Keep that leg up.
Pull your pants back up.  Do not set that "bad" leg down!

Hopefully you didn't hurt yourself trying this near impossible task.

So this is what I'm facing for the months ahead, until I'm declared PWB (partial weight bearing).

Let the toilet modification engineering begin.

I found this arrangement, but I figure this might be a bit overkill, although it did seem like an excellent idea after my dismal failed trial:

However, this is maybe a bit too primitive for my current needs:

Maybe something somewhere between those two.  I'll be working on that today then.

In other elimination related news, I have eliminated all our small throw rugs and other obstacles on our first floor.

Now, riding my knee scooter, I should be able to do plenty of wheelies and donuts on my way to takin' care of business.

Just please don't peek, this is not gonna be pretty!


  1. Weat Depends or Poise of just a plain old diaper, but don't call me when it needs changed.

  2. LMAO...you made my bad day a great day...I will try a one legged bathroom run. Be careful Kerry

  3. Oh man - I so can relate. I couldn't put any weight on my ankle for four months and using the bathroom was such a chore. But I was in a wheelchair and it was not too bad transferring from the wheel chair to the toilet. Showers were also a challenge cause I couldn't get my cast wet. So Jim put a chair in the shower and put all kinds of towels down to protect the floor. Then he would help me get on and off the chair. I'm glad you're doing the trail run. Preparation is the name of the game.