We recently returned home from our good old fashioned road trip loop through Ohio. A good part of our journey took us through the heart of the Amish settlements of Ohio, specifically those along route 39. The last day of our trip involved a seven hour drive to get home, leaving me with plenty of time for my mind to roam and think of stuff. That can be dangerous. I have a vivid imagination.
I thought of the wonderful accommodations we had throughout our trip - excellent hotels, a luxury cabin, and even a night in a castle. I recalled some of the many good restaurants we ate at, and the scrumptious meals at some of them. I felt grateful for the chance to visit numerous museums and sites of interest, and to see and learn new things.
But then I got thinking about the Amish folks we saw along the way, and I admitted to myself that there is still so much about the people themselves that I do not know, and without actually sitting and interviewing an Amish lady, I may never know.
Here then are some of the get-to-the-heart-of-the-matter questions that if given a chance, I would be dying to ask:
1. I know it is because of your religion, but are you comfortable when wearing those dark, fully-covering outfits, even in very hot temperatures? I sweat just imagining wearing stuff like that in the summer.
2. Do you ever get stuck by the pins you use to keep your clothing fastened around you?
3. Do you sew special dresses that allow you to easily nurse your babies?
4. Why do so many of your kind have such terrible body odor? Do you not believe in using deodorant? Here's a formula I have considered:
polyester + no deodorant = much stink ----------> grosses people out
5. Or, do you not believe in taking daily baths or showers? How often do you take a bath or shower?
6. Are those white net hat thingies itchy around your ears and neck? And why do some of them have ties hanging down when you have no intention of tying them together? Maybe they are decorative. No, wait, decorating oneself is against your beliefs, right?
7. I notice that many Amish women develop balding along their center hair part. Why don't you part your hair on the side for a while and try to fix that?
8. Some of the ladies' hands look pretty rough from all the hard work. Do you ever wish you could get a manicure?
9. If you had a bad back, would you be interested in or allowed to go to a spa and get a massage?
10. Why do you keep all your hair hidden up in your cap?
11. Does your husband become a wild animal at night when you let your hair down?
12. And what's under all those skirts anyway? Would an Amish woman wear lacy, racy undergarments? Or maybe even a thong? To please her husband, of course.
13. If you were honest with yourself, do you ever just wish for a day when you could sleep as late as you wanted, then eat bon-bons and watch stupid television
14. Are you turned on by that old man look of your husband's grown out scraggly beard?
15. Do your children get worms from running around in the gardens and fields barefoot?
Let me just say for the record and for my faithful blog readers that I am not trying to be disrespectful or find fault with the Amish people, I just really wonder about many of these things, and I have wondered for most of my life about some of the questions I've raised.
Whether or not I ever get enlightenment on these issues, let me conclude here by saying it was a great trip!