I just wanted life to be normal again. Whatever normal is. It was a "low" day. I had to constantly pep talk myself into pressing through each hour of the day.
I yearned to simply get dressed and begin my day by making coffee and filling a bowl with cereal. It's hard to carry wet things while using a walker.
I wanted a shower that didn't exhaust me from standing on one leg. Afterwards, I needed a shower from my shower.
Seeing the growing pile of laundry on the floor in front of the wash machine, I wished I could just toss in a load.
I wanted to empty the dishwasher, carry the clean dishes to their proper spots in the cabinets, and load the dirty ones back in.
I needed to be able to get down on my knees so I could reach that last roll of toilet paper back in the cabinet. If I were to do that, I could not get back up. How I wished I could drive to the store to purchase more of it, too.
After running out of some medication I need, I went without.
I simply wanted to walk across the room and retrieve the tv remote control.
When the puppy was begging, I wanted to zip over to the closet and get her a treat. I was just too tired.
I just want to be able to get up those 13 steps to our second floor and sleep again with my hubby. I'm lonely down here on the first floor.
As I said, today was a "low" day.
I'm still having pain. I still can't walk. And it's gonna be a while till I can.
So.
Trying to pull myself up and out of my funk, I repeatedly, all day, chose to recall the acts of kindness I have received from many over the last three weeks.
Many, many wishes for a safe surgery and speedy healing.
Innumerable texts, notes and phone calls, checking on my progress.
I enjoyed your visits and the loan of your waterproof cast protector, Lauren. Thanks for cheering me up and helping me to see the future.
I'm grateful for the offers of transportation: Kitty, Deb, Cindy, Pat, and others.
Thanks for the loans of mobility devices: Bob and Carole, Dick, Caleb, and Mom.
I've appreciated the household help and cooking from Ellen and daughters Lindsay and Sarah.
The flowers were lovely and cheered me up every time I looked at them: Mom, Lance and Sarah, Paige, and twins Tori and Brianna.
And, I couldn't have better nursing care than from the two men at home, Bob and son Caleb. Thank you for carrying me and my stuff.
Oh, and a lovable puppy who makes it her business to stay dangerously underfoot, and under walker, just about all the time.
Thank you all. Someday I hope I can pay it all forward.
Tomorrow is another day.
Some times it is hard to look on the bright side of things but if you can, your mood will improve greatly. I am sending all my best wishes for a very fast recovery. Now, listen to your pup when you are feeling low. Dogs seem to know when you are Down in the Dumps and will do their best to cheer you up.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard. I know. It's especially hard to keep an "up" attitude when you are so limited in all you can do. But I will let you in on a little secret. . .c'mere. . .
ReplyDelete::whispering:: It gets better. I PROMISE.
No, really. If I didn't believe that I would've flung myself off the roof a year ago. hee It's okay to whine, well, if you want to call that post whining [which I don't] it's good to get it out. And okay to feel sad. Isn't that what y'all are telling me all the time? It helps too. I know.
The thing is, you have an end. There is a light visible and your foot is only temporary, right? You're keeping your sense of humor [the bed comment cracked me up] and you truly are surrounding by some wonderful people.
Just do what I do. One day at a time. And before you know it? You'll be chasing Puppy around the backyard.
Skippy promises.
Big hugs and love sweetie. E-mail if you need an ear [or is it an eyeball? giggle]
Oh Jill. I feel for you because I know exactly how you feel. When I was in the wheelchair for four months I had some really down days and cried until I couldn't stand myself. I hated being so dependent on Jim and I couldn't do anything to help him with anything. But this will pass and you will get through it. And everything is going to be so much better on the other side. It's okay to have down days once in awhile. We're all praying for you and wishing you a great recovery. So just hang in there and be patient with yourself.
ReplyDelete