Friday, December 7, 2012

The Worst Christmas Presents Ever

As most of you know, last Saturday I drove about 7 hours, allbymyself, to western Ohio for daughter Sarah's surgery.  Although she has had several rough days in the hospital, dealing with pain management, medication and anesthesia affects, she is having a smooth recovery and will go home today.

For those of you that know Sarah personally, you will understand my next sentence.  Let me just say that this next week will continue to be a test of my patience and servitude.  Putting it politely, she's cranky and bossy.

I have already received the best Christmas present I could ask for this year - the successful removal of the huge tumor that was in Sarah's belly.  Now all I want in my stocking is a positive lab report on the mass that was taken out of her.  Please, please, please. That's all I want.

So back to the long drive getting here.  For the first hour or so I was totally amused listening to a radio show where folks called in to report on THE WORST CHRISTMAS GIFT THEY HAD EVER RECEIVED.

Some of the "gifts" had me laughing out loud, and I made a mental list so I could remember to report them to you.  I had to scratch my head and wonder just what some of the gift-givers were thinking.

I suppose some people are just clueless when it comes to shopping.  I know that my husband has consulted my daughters numerous times over the years when he needed a gift for me, and I remember my dad doing the same thing with me before he found gifts for my mother.

There was one gift many years ago that I particularly remember.  My husband went shopping with my two oldest daughters to find a Christmas gift for me.  Please keep in mind as I tell you this that the girls were only about 4 and 6 years old at the time.

They picked out some little floozy piece of lingerie for me, sheer red fabric with some kind of fluffy white stuff around the edges.  At that time in my life I felt like I weighed 600 pounds.  This little thing wasn't gonna cover 10 of those pounds, believe you me.  However the girls thought it was absolutely beautiful, and hovered near me to smotheration as I opened it.  They were so proud of what they found for me, and so sure I would absolutely love it.  My husband?  I have no idea what he was thinking.

We laugh about that gift to this day, and those two daughters are now 30 and 32.  After an acceptable time of laying at the bottom of a pile of clothing, in the bottom drawer of my dresser, it got donated to the thrift shop.  Perhaps some other clueless person bought it for a loved one.

So here then, are some of the called in responses to WHAT IS THE WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT YOU EVER RECEIVED?

1.  A used weedwacker.
     A man received this from his father.  The caller claimed his dad is a true cheapskate.

2.  A toilet seat.
     Only.  Just the seat, not a new toilet.  The woman calling this one in reported that the toilet seat was her only gift from her husband that year.  She also revealed that they have divorced since then.

3.  A padded bra.
It was the gift recipient that called in, and ironically she states that she already is a size 38DD.  The man who gave this "gift" to his wife needs some type of therapy I'm sure.

4.  A camper plug.
     A man gave this to his wife because their camper needed one of these.
He also gave her a dog-shaped pillow.  Hmmmm.

5.  No gifts under the tree, but a verbal promise of $50 to spend on December 26, when all the big after Christmas sales start.  I wonder if it was awkward on Christmas morning.

6.  A pistol.
     The wife who received this gift described how very excited her husband was about having giving this item.

7.  A case of motor oil.
     This heavy box sat wrapped under the Christmas tree for several weeks before the big day.  The husband was gleeful and excited every time the wife tried to lift it, shake it, smell it, and generally anticipate opening her surprise.  On Christmas morning she was, umm, speechless that there was no other gift.  Apparently he truly thought he was giving a swell gift.

Pretty ridiculous, aren't they?  Anyway, Christmas is coming and I'm sure it will bring with it another year's worth of weird gifts and memories.  What's the worst gift YOU have ever received?


  1. I have no idea what you are talking about...

  2. glad to see your daughter is going home and is on the road to recovery...I've always been pretty lucky during the christmas gift giving...my main rule was no appliances or kitchen gadgets...must be something for me..:)

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