In Mourning

Over the last several years, I've noticed that most of my friends and family seem to be pretty excited when the time comes for them to upgrade their phone plans and get a brand spankin' new phone.

My old lovable phone

I am possibly the only person on the face of the earth who was not excited about this.

For months my old "dumb" phone had been giving me the signals that it was time to say our goodbyes.

 First one of the number keys fell out.  (I snapped it back in.)  Then I noticed that many of the alphabet letters on the inside keypad were completely worn off.  (I don't need to see them;  I know where they are.  It wasn't bothering me that they were gone.)  Finally a chunk of the plastic framework broke off, compromising the hinge.  (I didn't really need that either.)

My family members were applying subtle pressure, going on and on about how wondrous and glorious my life will be if I get one of these fancy phones.  They were telling me I'm acting as if I'm old as dirt, and to get out of the dinosaur era and move into the age of modern technology.

So I did.

I bought myself a fancy schmancy new "smart" phone, a gold (to match my gold jewelry cause I'm not a silver gal) iphone 5S.

They tell me that I don't even realize what I'm really holding in my hand, and they are absolutely correct.

What I do realize is that now I am in a bit of a funk.  I'm mourning the loss of easily being in touch with my people.

Oh, I know that ultimately I'll figure it all out.  I'll figure out what all those fancy options do.  I'll go shopping in the App store and find some good stuff.  I'll learn to make and receive calls without even thinking twice.  But not yet.

This morning I accidentally called my mother.  I thought I was just looking to see where her number was located, but apparently I touched something that actually sent the call.  She answered, and before I could croak out my shocked and throat-full-of-morning-phlegm "hello," she hung up on me.  Probably telling herself that I was just another one of those annoying political calls at their usual ungodly hour.

And I'm sending off some ridiculous texts.  Even the spell checker doesn't know what to do with some of the words I'm apparently typing.  My thumbs are seven times as wide as those teeny tiny letter squares.  I believe I was telling someone that I wanted my old phone cremated, and my spelling was so off that the spell checker changed it to creams red.  I hope my people are patient with me.  Very patient.

I notice I have some ridiculous options on my home screen, too.  Like what do I need with a compass?  Is that there because it knows I'm old?  Will it help me find a geocache?  And can somebody tell me please where are the logarithms?

Then an hour ago I nearly jumped out of my skin.  My phone rang for the first time, somebody calling me.  I wasn't used to that ring, and I sat there just staring at it like a darn fool, not even knowing how to answer.  When I finally figured it out and said hello, I heard "This is the sheriff,......"  I couldn't imagine what sort of trouble I was in, other than being "dumb" about my "smart" phone, but thankfully he was just calling to remind me about an upcoming safety class in which I had enrolled.

Obviously I have still have a massive amount to learn, but at least now I'm "smart."