Don't Mess With S'mores!

I am so excited!  This weekend Bob, my husband/lover/best friend, and I are going out on our SEASON OPENING CAMPING ADVENTURE.  We tow a Sunline Solaris T-2763 travel trailer which suits our get-away needs very comfortably, and we have reserved a spot at the Raymond B. Winters State Park near Mifflinburg, Pennsylvania, hoping for some beautiful scenery, maybe some early hummingbirds at our feeder, and plenty of relaxing and good camping food.

If you are a True Camper, you know that camping and good food go together.  There are certain things a True Camper should eat when in the woods:

bacon and eggs

hot dogs and baked beans

mountain pies

foil packs

adult beverages

s'mores

So I was making my camping menu for the weekend, when, unbelievably, I came across some appalling aberrations of the traditional s'mores recipe.  Now s'mores have been in existence at least since 100 B.C., I'm sure, and you just DO NOT MESS WITH the 3 true ingredients:

True ingredients

Let us be clear on these:

1.  Graham crackers - do not even think of amending by using cinnamon graham crackers.

2.  Chocolate - just several squares, usually 2, of good old Hershey's milk chocolate bars.

3.  Marshmallows - regular, large-sized, and toasted over the campfire.

4.  Campfire - I assert that a s'more made in the microwave does not have the proper toasting and is therefore a hideous mutant.

However, some idiots innovators are promoting IMPOSTOR s'mores, which may contain any of the following ridiculous ingredients, and therefore, s'mores purists shall religiously avoid them:

Impostor ingredients

Impostor ingredients can be these and others:

1.  Banana slices

2.  Peanut butter

3.  Marshmallow fluff stuff in a jar

4.  Chocolate chips

5.  Tortillas - what?

Yes, one particularly heinous s'mores recipe alteration I found, in the camping cookbook Fix It In Foil, puts crunchy peanut butter, miniature marshmallows, and miniature chocolate chips into a tortilla, of all things, and then roasts it all in a Foil Pack!  Not a stick or marshmallow fork anywhere in sight!  It's wrong.  Just so wrong.

And one last thing:  look at the gargantuan marshmallows I found:

Impostors on the bottom

What exactly are those monsters for?  Using one of them in a s'more would completely throw off the proper taste proportions.  I have even seen flat, square marshmallows for sale.  How do you put one of those on a stick to toast?

I say, let's just keep it RIGHT.  What do you think?

Until next time, have a sweet, sweet day.